It’s Not Your Fault You Still Love Him

I am still in love with my ex-boyfriend who broke my heart. That's right, it's a year later and I still love him. It hurts, and it sucks. He is a jerk, but he's the jerk I love.

There is no reason on this planet that I should still love him. He broke up with me for a younger girl, lied to me for goodness knows how long, and ultimately lead me to the past year of depression and anxiety, but I still love him.

I love him for leaving me and helping me to learn how strong I am and what I am truly capable of.

To my ex,

Thank you for loving me. I was in one of the darkest places in my life, and the Lord brought you to me when I needed you most. You made me laugh, smile, cry, and sometimes yell. You taught me how to kill a squirrel, feed a baby cow, and how to code film on Hudl. You made me the happiest I've ever been, and at times the maddest I've ever been.

I have spent the last year trying to move forward, yet it has been a year of ups and downs. It would be nice, if like most relationships, ours had ended with us going our separate ways, but unfortunately that isn't how our story goes. I still see you often, and at times I am reminded that I am better off, but others remind me of how much I miss you. I see the way you look at me, and I know you feel it too. I know there is a piece of you that still loves me and always will, but I guess there is a larger piece that doesn't. I'm not sure if you're happy, but that's all I want for you. I pray for your happiness, and I do it sincerely.

There have been a lot of things that I did not like about this past year, with a lot of pain mixed in, but I know that the Lord brought me here for a reason. I have learned that I am capable of more than I imagined.

If you hadn't left me I wouldn't be where I am.

I bought my own home. I started graduate school. I finally got a puppy. I'm going to Haiti on a mission trip. I work with the youth group at church. I'm privileged to go on Beach Week with my youth group. And to top it all off I'm finally the cheer coach! So, I thank you.

Thank you for leaving me and pushing me out of my comfort zone. I was so concerned with you that I was unable to see what God had planned for me. Without you in my life I'm able to dedicate my time to the Lord, and become a servant for Him.

Yes, I still love you, but I love you for pushing me away from you and straight into my Lord and Saviors arms. I will always love you, but lucky for me I love Jesus more.

Love,

Lilly