Let’s Play A Game
One Rule: No Rules
I have come to find out that dating in 2017 is one big game, and let me tell you, Katniss Everdeen would have a rough time winning this one.
Just when you think you have things figured out, the arena flips upside down, and you’re standing there with your sundress up around your armpits, trying to figure out what that last snapchat actually meant. "Is this the same selfie he sent to everyone else, or is he just telling me 'work sucks'?"
Playing the dating game requires a lot of different things, but in my experience there are four main things needed to "stay alive" in the game: physical fitness, resilience, intellect, and a sense of humor. While having these things will in no way guarantee success, I have determined they do make things easier.
Physical fitness doesn't seem like something required in the dating world, but you best have your running shoes on for this one. You don't have to work out if you don't want to, but when it's 2:30am and you need to walk 1/2 a mile to get your Uber, you best be prepared to book it in those wedges. Don't start crying, guys don't want to hear you complaining. They want to know you can walk the walk without crying the basic girl cry. Dating these days in a marathon, not a sprint my friend. I mean you spend a week or two texting, then you meet up, you've got a week between dates, and before you know it you've been talking to this guy for 3 months and you're not even sure if he likes you? Are you the back up, are you on the A team, or are you still on the practice squad? Who knows, but if you want the man you best be ready to run the race. Don't give up 1 mile from the finish line, keep trucking my friend the end is in sight. Don't let that other girl who swiped right two weeks after you catch up, she hasn't put in the leg work like you have. Don't lose him in the final 100 meters. You got this!
Resilience? Hello, have you seen Instagram lately? You need me to have a 24" waist with a 36" booty and a thigh gap? This girl is here to tell you that is not happening. The problem is, there are legitimately girls out there that look like Instagram "models". I'm not sure if they are hybrid creatures created by the Game Makers, but they are basically invincible. They somehow go to the gym in full makeup, and look the exact same when they leave three hours and 6 treadmill miles later. I'm over here bustin' my tail for an hour and end up soaked in sweat...yes sweat, my ass does not sparkle. (I think it's one of my more endearing qualities) Mentally you have to tell yourself you are a badass bitch, and if he doesn't want you then it's his loss. So much easier said than done, damn you discover page on Insta! You have to be resilient enough to let that stuff roll off your back, otherwise you're going to be over here buying Kylie Lip-kits and spending $2.99 a month on a photo editing app. Don't do that to yourself. You save that $2.99 and go buy yourself a Wet n' Wild lipstick from Target, your wallet will thank you. Eventually those lip injections will be out of style, people will realize pictures are lying, and they will be left with fraudulent self-esteem. Love yourself exactly who you are, and find you a man that does the same. DO NOT SUCCUMB TO SOCIAL MEDIA PRESSURES, BE RESILIENT!
Next up is intellect. "Lilly, of course men want a smart, educated woman!" This is not what I'm talking about. Of course being intelligent is important, (any man who doesn't know the difference between to, two, and too can get to steppin') but what I'm talking about is that sixth sense of sorts. Are you dumb enough to believe everything he says, too smart to believe anything, or you one of those who has the perfect balance of naivety and skepticism? All men should be approached with the latter. Too much trust will cause you to be a side chick quicker than Rob Kardashian leaking Black Chyna's nudes. However, not enough trust can cause you to become Solange Knowles in the elevator with Jay Z. Don't be that girl, be calm. Have enough savvy to know when something isn't right, but also enough to realize when you're creating problems that aren't even there. These are called street smarts; if ya ain't got some, get some!
Finally, one must possess a sense of humor. Do you have any idea how many times a guy has said, "I just did that to see what you would do." First off that is called entrapment, second of all they just want to know you can take a joke. I'm just as guilty as any other girl for getting upset over a little "joke", but I also try really hard to laugh and take things with a grain of salt. I want a guy that can make me laugh, but I also want someone who will laugh with me. Is it wrong that men try and find the same things? Granted, they may go about finding it differently, but they want to know you aren't going to go Britney Spears 2008 over them "pretending" they put your new Free People beaded maxi in the dryer...I say this because it really happened to me, and while he deserved the backlash that ensued, I was able to joke about it weeks later when he pretended he did it again. Girls, dating should be fun, don't forget to laugh! If a guy is making little jokes here and there to see how you will react you have to understand that's just part of the process, but if he's constantly joking about cheating, you might want to use the intellect mentioned above and get out of there.
Dating is a game that requires physical and mental strength, a game that at any moment can change. You think you have the rules figured out, but you're wrong.
You don't sleep with the guy you like because you like him? What, why? Why!?
The guy you sleep with for fun wants to take you on date? What, no I don't like you!
You had a great time on your date, but never hear from him again? Ahhhh ghosted again!
Don't even get me started on the Bumble game. Just remember to be strong enough to beat him in a game of Beersbie, tough enough to not let Instagram kill your confidence, smart enough to know when he's lying, and chill enough to laugh when he says something stupid.
(Insert Hunger Games salute here.)
I do not volunteer as tribute.
May the force be with you,
Lilly
