Post Wedding Blues
I didn’t really have an idea of what life after my wedding would be like. Maybe I did years ago, but that was back before I believed in living together before marriage. I knew it wouldn’t consist of figuring out how to live with my new husband, I’d learned how to do that over the past three years. What I did know is I didn’t have a clue as to what I thought would happen, but I can definitely say I didn’t think I would be crying uncontrollably for two days.
My wedding was wonderful, it was absolutely, without a doubt, far from perfect, but the actual ceremony was amazing. Lee teared up, my brother married us, and I felt like our vows were absolutely perfect. Everything else was not exactly what I wanted, but I mean I seriously doubt there’s a perfect wedding. Everyone else had fun, so I guess that’s all that matters, but the point is overall, my wedding day was pretty great, and I expected the day after to be something like that too.
I was mistaken.
I got tons of advice for the days leading up to the big day and even for the long years awaiting me, but not one person told me about the day after.
No one felt the need to tell me the most basic rule of the universe: what goes up, must come down.
And damn if I didn’t come down hard. In fact, you could say that I crashed and burned. Incinerated might be a better term actually. The point is, I was a disaster.
I cried basically the entire Sunday after my wedding, to the point that I couldn’t really talk because I couldn’t say anything without getting upset. I was emotional about the things I didn’t think had been perfect at the wedding, the things I forgot to do, the people I didn’t get to spend time with, how big of a let down the hotel we spent so much money on was, and how we didn’t have the honeymoon I had always wanted. I couldn’t focus on anything positive because everything else consumed me.
I should have been riding the wave of absolute bliss, but instead, I was falling from heights I had never even known I had been to. I even felt awful for feeling awful. I was basically breaking my new husband’s heart each time I cried, and that made me cry even harder. I was so happy to be married, but in the span of 48 hours I had felt every single emotion that a person could feel times 10, and I literally just felt empty. It was like all of the happiness I wanted to feel was gone, like Dementors in Little Whinging gone. I had spent all of my happiness the previous 2 days and I didn’t have anything left, so instead, I just cried.
Come to find out the emotional hangover I was feeling was normal, but for some reason, no one talks about it. I knew I would be physically tired, but no one had told me I would be emotionally dead. It took me almost 2 full days at the lake before I could talk about anything wedding-related and not break out into tears, but it took me almost a full week to refill my emotional tank.
To be honest, I don’t know if I’m fully back to normal yet, and I’m not sure when I will be. Maybe that’s part of being married now, maybe I really am a different person.
Having a wedding is a lot. It’s a lot of money, a lot of people, a lot of stress, a lot of happiness, a lot of love, a lot of time, and a lot of effort. Having a wedding that was pushed back because of a global pandemic is even more than a lot.
I wouldn’t change my choice to have a wedding because I really enjoyed being with those I loved, but I do wish that I had prepped myself more for life after. Nothing about my life with Lee has changed on a daily basis, but the first couple of weeks after the wedding have been tough. It’s almost like all of the brain space and emotional energy I had been spending on the wedding was freed up, and instead of being channeled into post-wedding bliss it somehow took a wrong turn and became the post-wedding blues.
The good news is, it’s okay. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to acknowledge that things weren’t perfect. It’s okay to not be okay.
I love my new husband, and I’m excited to spend the years building new memories and laughing about the fact that I cried for days after our wedding. Maybe I’m not ready to do that right now, but I know I will be.
So, if you’re about to get married, just know that the day after may not be filled with sunshine, rainbows, and love. Instead, you may be married to the love of your life and crying your eyes out.
Just know, it’s okay.
Love,
Lilly
